Scott Charles Adams' Blog

Why I Love John McCain

by on Sep.23, 2017, under Uncategorized

Remember this?

If you watch just the first few seconds, you see John McCain explaining to a crazy racist white woman that Obama is not an Arab during the presidential campaign for 2008. As Righteous Honkeys, we can say, “Well, he was only doing the right thing. That’s no big deal. Everyone should be expected to do the right thing all the time, in every circumstance.” (And honestly, you’d be sortta right.)

But if you keep watching the video, you’ll see newscasters talking about the political repercussions. The ring-wing nut jobs (yup, we had them back in those days) were already a little weak on McCain. He was having a hard time convincing the Sean Hannity’s and Rush Limbaugh’s that he was right-wing nut-jobby enough, and this move didn’t do him any favors. It’s Politics 101 — Rule 0: Never defend your opponent.

(Just as an aside, I never heard Obama mention this moment. He might have mentioned it and I missed it. It would have meant a lot. It would have added an unprecedented level of civility to the proceedings. But I recognize that he was in the fight of his life in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I recognize that it would have been extremely imprudent. Even while recognizing this — and that it would have violated Rule 0 — it still would have been nice.)

(Just as another aside, I don’t regret my vote for Obama. I loved having him as president. I loved having him as president more than I loved my own cock and balls — and I have considerable affection for my cock and balls. Just ask them. But I’d been married for eight years at that point and they were mostly just for decoration and they weren’t all that fancy …)

(Oh Jesus Christ now I’ve completely forgotten what I was talking about … oh yeah …)

But the political courage of this moment — and others that followed — aren’t what I’m here to address.

Ever spoken in front of a big crowd before? Like, a really big crowd? There’s a rush you get when you’re pleasing a crowd that’s difficult to describe. Just ask Lady Gaga. Or Jerry Seinfeld. Or Cher. Or Nickelback. (Why does everyone hate Nickelback?) It’s intoxicating. It robs you of common sense. It’s the pinnacle of the mob instinct — you’re more than a part of something larger than yourself, you’re at the head. Point at someone in the crowd and command, “He must be destroyed!” and the crowd will rip him to pieces. Hitler allegedly had orgasms during his speeches, and I believe it. When you’re in the groove and you’re telling the crowd what they want to hear and they’re in the palm of your hand, it’s that good.

Which is the reason why Donald Trump peddled racism during his campaign. Shit. That should have been an aside.

(Just as an aside, which is the reason why Donald Trump peddled racism during his campaign — the cheering crowd made his enormous pants get tight in the crotch. Well, maybe not tight. Those are some big pants. I’m not a fan of fat-shaming, but Trump is a fat fat-shamer. That makes it okay.)

(Fat Trump! Fat Trump! Fat Trump! Okay. I’m done now.)

(Fat Trump! Shit, I wasn’t done.)

By this time in the race, many of McCain’s followers were racists whose primary intent was to make sure the Yoo Ess of Murika didn’t put a n****** in charge. Although McCain presented himself well, spoke well, and had experience as both a politician and a war hero, a lot of the serious republican voters were put-off by the extremely off-putting Sarah Palin. They were staying home in droves, and McCain’s town halls were filling up with racists. It would have such an easy thing to say, “Yeah, he might be Arab. We just don’t know, do we?” That would have been enough. The crowd would have gone wild and they would have lifted McCain onto his shoulders and marched to the poor section of town and killed anyone with a darker skin color than mocha with bats and the lid of Hitler’s box would crack with the mighty force of the powerful corpse-gasms.

But John McCain couldn’t do that. It wasn’t in his character. Instead, he did the unthinkable. He not only violated Rule 0, he did it in front of a crowd. They fucking booed him and he didn’t back down — because fuck you, crowd. I’m John McCain. I survived a POW camp, and I crap bigger than you buncha whiney Tea Partying bitches.

I’ll confess I didn’t vote for him. The possibility of “President Palin” saw to that. (Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.) I’ll also confess that I don’t always agree with every single thing he says. But I don’t have to agree with every single thing he says for me to acknowledge him as a hero — as one of my heroes.

Oh, and I didn’t even mention this speech …

… that sealed a deal that didn’t require it.

Watch the entire speech.

You didn’t watch it. Watch. The. Entire. Fucking. Speech.

I would have preferred if this blog had been a touching, dignified tribute to John McCain. But I think I used “shit” and “fuck” a few too many times, and I think I made a reference to my cock and balls somewhere up there. That hardly seems dignified.

Plus, that’s not the sort of shit I would ordinarily fucking do.

And, cock and balls! Just for good measure.

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