The Truth about Moving On 9/24/00

Dear Mrs. Steele,

Question: What the hell do you do when one of your good friends, a (not-so old ;) ) wise friend who tells you what your dreams are, shows you what you don't see and should, and doesn't care who you are or where you come from leaves? And doesn't bother to drop-a-line once and awhile. What do you do when one of your good friends who you consider a mentor leaves and some call it a life? Not like I don't have a life a can't work simple hellos or hunting trips into my life. What do you do?

-G man

Dear G-Man,

A Very Wise Man once said, "The world has moved on," and that's the first thing that came to my mind when I read this poignant question. I can identify with the sentiments you express, because I would imagine that there may be friends of Mr. and Mrs. Steele's feeling the same things right about now. As always, there are a few reasons why your friend may have moved on.

One of the most bitter Truths that Life eventually teaches us is that people move on. They do. For many reasons. Sometimes, we're meant to be in a person's life for a specific purpose and for a finite amount of time, what another Very Wise Man refers to as "for a Season". Perhaps, sad as it may be, the season for this friend to be in your life has come to an end.

Or, your friend may have moved on because his own life moved on. Another Very Wise Man once said "When I was a child I concerned myself with the things of a child." Perhaps your friend has grown up and you're not quite there yet (age has nothing to do with this equation -- I just recently grew up myself). You say "call it a life"... that leads me to believe that this friend has joined his life to someone else's and you're feeling what some of Mr. and Mrs. Steele's friends may feel ... that your friend's love is no longer big enough to include you.

And you're probably right about that. Deal with it.

(Heh-heh. Sorry ... that just slipped out.)

What really happens when two people fall in love is their social lives decrease in direct proportion to the increase in their dual consciousness. Now, unless they move to a deserted island (which won't be deserted after they move there, by the way) this decrease in social activity will likely gradually change. But in that first year - or two - or ten - these two people are building their lives, planning their futures, combining their essences - and having an awful lot of sex. These things take energy, and focus - and time, lots and lots of time.

Of course, the reason may not be at all philosophical. The reason your friend has moved on may be because you did something that completely pissed your friend off ... something you were told about again and again that you just wouldn't shut up about. In this case, your friend would be ignoring another Very Wise Thing that first Wise Man I mentioned said: "When you get this far off the main road, you have to expect to see some really funny houses."

In other words, tolerance is a virtue ... maybe your friend just ain't virtuous.

All in all, I'd say that no matter what the reason, if your friend has really moved on, perhaps it's time for to look back at the lessons he helped you learn, and move on yourself.

After all, there are other worlds than these.

Of course, there's always the Option of Last Resort -- another Very Wise Man (hey, I've known a lot of Wise Guys, okay?) said "Revenge is a dish best served cold" ... Invite your friend on one last hunting trip, for old times sake, and hold a rifle to his head until he promises his undying attention and devotion.

He'd probably hate that at first, but eventually he'd come to see the love you have for him.

And if he doesn't, blow his freakin' head off.

That'll teach him.