The Truth about Shoes 8/24/97

Dear Mr. Steele,

I was in Payless Shoes and I saw a pair of really cool mules (shoes without backs, kind of like clogs but different). They were black leather with silver beads that kind of look like skulls. The price was right so I bought them. The next day I wore them and realized that they only look really cool when there aren't any feet in them.

Now I have a blister on my foot and a pair of objet d'arts that I keep by my door so that when people come to my house they can say, "Wow, what cool shoes. How come you never where them?"

What do you think of that?

     Signed, Twistedlyn (click here to see her Homepage. Don't argue with me, just do it.)

Fashion has always been a bit of a mystery to me, for so many reasons.

First of all, why aren't shoes made to be comfortable? This is more a problem with women's shoes than with men's (so I hear), and my first temptation is to blame Men. Men design the shoes they want to see Women women wear with no regard for comfort, blah-blah-blah.

But this is the 90s. I'm sure that there are at least SOME shoes that are designed by women. And it seems to me, that if Women were the only ones designing comfortable shoes then all female consumers would flock to these shoes and buy only those, and the male shoemakers would all go out of business. So the mystery to this facet of Fashion is two-fold -- because we're talking about a group of people who intentionally seeks out uncomfortable shoes.

The mind boggles.

The next Fashion Mystery: these fashion shows. There are a group of people who -- for a living -- design clothing that gets worn once: by an anorexic broad walking up and down a runway. And these people make a lot of money. The broads make a lot of money. The mystery is, where does this money come from? I mean, if real people were actually buying these clothes I could understand. Are the tickets to these fashion shows that expensive? Haven't these people ever heard of go-go bars? It's cheaper, and you can see more. And how come I can't make money for designing clothes that no one wears? Is this some sort of prejudice against the heterosexual male?

Not that I don't think Straight America has some retribution coming . . . but I'd perform a few Unnatural Acts if I thought there'd be a paycheck in it. Hell -- money is money. How bad could it taste?

The Truth for today?

Gals: wear uncomfortable shoes . . . at least until you find a husband. Then wear whatever you want.

Guys: consider homosexuality as a viable source of income.