The Truth about Men 8/15/97

Excerpt from an e-mail written to me by Tmplr292

It's just like an old Hank Williams' song around here.."a woman will give you the blues" or as a matter of fact the proximity of about thirty thousand of those lil' darlins' nearby and me strapped for cash is even worse . . . but I like the great FLynn will rise to even higher lows due to this adversity.

How are your car sales going? You know we sell many many cars down here in FL and the women are much tastier and fairly ripe although they are not officially in season 'till Dec. and with your new and enhanced financial situation you should do quite well.. Just remember denial of wealth (as in I really have NO money) is just as good as an admission of it..only much better to argue about the next morning..

I will endevor soon to bring this wide open town into book form as soon as I can afford the booze/drug payments and I get a steady piece of <expltive deleted . . . figure it out> in here..preferably one that can cook and has a job..now that's a real woman to me!!!

Talk to you soon and remember the immortal words of this town's spokesman Diamond David Lee Roth "I like to keep two of them around for conversation . . . that way if there has to be any I don't have to be a part of it."

David Lee Roth . . . truly the Shakespeare of our time.

And what can we learn from this, boys and girls? Why, it's rather simple really: Men are Pigs.

It's not that we like being pigs. And -- contrary to popular belief -- it's not that we don't know any better. We know better. We know it irritates you that we revel in our flatulance. We know you'd rather we vaccuumed on our days off than just sit around the house watching television or surfing the net. And it crosses our minds five minutes before you hit the door that you're gonna be mad 'cause we didn't do any of the things you asked us to.

Then we finish watching our show.

Because, you see, we know that despite Sufferage and despite Equal Rights you'll still put up with our nonsense. And how is it we can afford to take such a callous attitude? Because of the things that we put up with in return. Lemme qualify that a bit.

A bisexual friend of mine (female) dated exclusively women until just recently. Then she stopped. There were many advantages to dating women, she told me. Borrowing clothes. Always a sympathetic ear around. Toilet seat never left up. Kitchen counter always wiped. More familiar with the equipment. Etc, etc. But she stopped dating women and is now dating exclusively men. Why? In her own words "Dating men is easier. With women there's too much crap to deal with."

First: The fact that these words came from a woman really hit home. Up to that point I just figured I had some strange chemical imbalance that made Female Behavior tough for me to swallow.

Second: How nice to be able to say "I'm tired of driving on the right side of the road. I think I'll drive on the left for a few months." It's a bitch being heterosexual.

And right now women (not all but some) are reading this and saying to themselves "What 'crap to deal with?' I don't give any crap! I wish I could date this creep for just three weeks, I'd emasculate him good!" And I suppose I could justify my words and trash women for a few pages. Maybe another time -- like right after I end my next relationship, whenever that is. It'll all be fresh in my mind then. To be honest Female Flaws are growing more and more hazy with each passing day. I have no medical evidence to prove this but I think it's some kind of chemical reaction to a lack of sex. But that opens up a whole can of worms that I'm just going to have to come back to another time.

So the Truth for the Day:

Men/women are a collossal hassle.

Wish I could wrap that up with a 'but' . . . 'but the sex is worth it ,' 'but there's always another Pig right around the corner,' 'but at least my spouse is paying their half of the bills.' Wish I could do that, but I can't. If I had it figured out, do you think I'd be typing right now?

Hell, no -- I'd be boffing some Hassle who paid her half of the bills.

Coming soon . . . The Truth about Shoes (???)