The Truth about Cats and Dogs 8/1/98

Wasn't that a movie?

Dear Mr Steele:

My cat has developed a most disconcerting habit. Now that hot weather is here in earnest I'm in shorts and barefoot most of the time....and when I attempt to move about my apartment Caleb follows me and nips at my feet. These are NOT love-nips! On a couple of occasions he has managed to draw blood. I've succeeded at breaking him of another bad habit -- that of jumping onto the kitchen counters -- by keeping a spray bottle of water handy and squirting him when I catch him in the act. But there's no way I can go about my business all day with a spray bottle in my hand. Do you think I should try wearing one around my neck? The past couple of days he's started flinging himself at my legs grabbing on and sinking his teeth into my shins. My feet and legs are starting to look like mincemeat. I'm hoping you know more about feline dysfunctional behavior than I do. Please advise.



Contrary to popular belief, cats are quite trainable. In fact, I've taught mine a few wonderful tricks. For example, I've trained him to run howling out of the room when I hit him with a dart. That was an easy one. The last trick I thought him was to lie motionless ... only had to turn his head about 165 degrees for that one. But boy, he learned that good. Now, if I could only teach him not to stink ...

There's been a debate going on for quite some time as to which animal is smarter: a dog or a cat. Actually, it's less of a debate, and more of a bunch of moronic cat-fans expressing the laughable idea that cats are smarter than African violets while dog-fans snicker behind their backs. Not that I dislike cats ... but they're stupid.

And I was thinking of enlarging on the debate here, except the fact that dogs are smarter than cats isn't much of a Truth is it?

My advice would be one of two things:

(1) Teach him the 'Lie Motionless' trick.

(2) Kevlar socks.