The Truth about the Bill of Rights 7/6/98

What follows was allegedly written by an actual politician -- although I confess that I'm somewhat skeptical. I don't even know Cobb County, GA has a state representative named Mitchell Kaye, or if he actually wrote this. If he does -- and he did write this -- Vote for this man. It's time this country was run by the people again instead, of by lobbyists for special interest groups.

Yow . . . now it sounds like I'm running for office.

Anyway, this is the e-mail as I received it. Again, I don't know if Mitchell Kaye really wrote this or if it was altered before I received it.

The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA.

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren; hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone-not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion etc. but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful -- do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing we're just not interested in health care.

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness-which by the way is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

IF YOU AGREE WE STRONGLY URGE YOU TO FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO AND NOTHING TRAGIC WILL BEFALL YOU SHOULD YOU NOT FORWARD IT. WE JUST THINK IT IS ABOUT TIME COMMON SENSE IS ALLOWED TO FLOURISH - CALL IT THE AGE OF REASON REVISITED.

THANK YOU.

Presidential Material. Too bad we didn't get this closer to an election year, or I'd urge you all to pencil him in. But as it stands, 2000 is a long ways away and I'm sure we all will have chosen a New Flavor of the Month by then.

The Truth for the Day: Sometimes it's damned inconvenient to be a Mindless Sheep.

(Note: I later found out that this was all written by some guy on the Internet. Go figure.)