Dear Mr. Steele:
Since moving to a different time zone, I'm having a terrible time with my sense of direction.
It may be Feng Shui related. I mean, if my bed is facing the wrong way, would that alter my internal compass?
I once was so good at finding things with little information, but now I'm always going the opposite direction even with great clues like the sun blindin my eyes.
Now I seem to spend a lotta time turning around, and drivers here are getting friendlier and friendlier...givin me helpful hand signals.
I await your truth.
Ah-HAH . . . finally a challenge.
First off, despite what the Feng Shui Masters would have you believe, there is no 'wrong way' to face a bed. Well . . . okay . . . if it's blocking a door, that's wrong. Aside from that, beds can face any direction. Feng Shui is merely the latest off the bin at Crazy Ping's Wholesale Barn of Mystical-Vodoo Crap. Totally meaningless. It's the Soy Sauce Ruse all over again.
(For those of you who weren't aware of it, Soy Sauce began as a joke. Some rich dink with a Chinese cook told him to go into the kitchen and prepare 'something Chinese.' The cook invented Soy Sauce on the fly and the White Man bought it. Of course. And we're still buying it. What would Chinese noodles be without faux-Chinese Soy Sauce?)
I think you hit the nail right on the head in the last word of your letter: 'Maiden.'
They performed a sort of 'Sexual IQ Test' at some university a while back. Don't ask me which university or when . . . I saw it on some TV show back before I discovered the Allure of Life Behind a Keyboard. Basically the test had two parts (at least two parts that I remember):
First, they took a subject, blindfolded him/her and led them through a long series of twisting hallways. Then they unblindfolded them and told them to find their way back. Guys consistantly scored better than Dolls in this test . . . to no one's surprise.
Then they sat the subject in a room and made them wait for ten minutes. At the end of the waiting period they were brought into another room and quizzed on the contents of the room they were waiting in.
Psuedo-researcher: What items do you remember from the room you just sat in for ten minutes with absolutely nothing to do except look around the room?
Guy: Um . . . there must have been a chair there because I remember sitting. I was sitting right?
Psuedo-researcher: <Same Question>
Doll: Well the chairs were blue and there were three of them and they had molded plastic seats and metal legs and one of the chairs had a little scratch about two inches from the left side on the front and there was a veneer desk that was on sale at Best Buy last week for $189 and a mouse-pad with three azalieas on it and two tulips and the screen saver on the computer screen had one big blue fish and two smaller white ones and a pink one with an underbite and this little tiny group of silver ones that all stayed together and . . .
Psuedo-researcher: Uncle already! I GIVE!
The Truth for the Day is an Old Truth: Chicks are bad with directions. But they can describe the streets they were lost on like you couldn't believe . . . or bear to listen to.