(Editor's Note: The predecessor to this Truth can be found here: The Truth about the New Humanity. sca)
For some reason, Mr. Steele's been getting a lot of attention lately.
I've gotten four Truth emails in the past couple of days. Four. Four letters in the past ... oh, let's see ... the past eleven days. Any idea how long it's been since I've gotten four Truth emails in eleven days? Hmm ... let's see ... how about never? That's one of the brilliant things about complete obscurity. So long as I don't look at the web statistics for the page, I can pretend that no one reads my stuff at all. I can pretend that a hundred strangers a day find this page by accident, realize that it's not what they're looking for, and move on.
But we'll ignore how wigged out I would get if I were ever actually really a successful writer for the time being, and move on to these letters.
First off--remember Ryan? Of course you do. He was the ambitionless youth who was working (?) to usher in the New Artless Humanity. You remember him now, don't you?
Dear Mr. Steele,
I saw the archived version of this mess I recieved. It is far from the same, but the gist was intact. It was the only similar article, unfortunately.
I have been getting junk mail for my entire adult life, but this was the weirdest and sent to an academic address that gets little to no spam.
Remember that part--that he received this at an address that receives little to no spam. It comes up again later.
Oh, and I also want to mention that I give him a great deal of credibility because he spelled the word, 'weird' correctly. Everyone I know--and a significant number of people I've never met--spells this word wrong.
But on to the letter he received.
Subject: This world is made up of fakes!
There is something extremely wrong with every single person in this world. They seem to be part of a pointless simulation.
Sounding familiar, yet?
"The Matrix" has portrayed this idea somewhat, yet we watch it and go back to our daily lives. Yet in this very life, underneath the seeming diversity in people's opinions, values, talents, and interests, there is something that makes everyone the same. It is as though this planet is populated only by mindless fakes, objects that provide the appearance of intellect on the surface but are based on only mechanical reflexes and primitive thought patterns.
Oh, and don't forget about pseudo-intellectual sixteen year olds who watch too much television and honestly believe they have unique and special thoughts about the world.
I don't really care if anything I say has been said before ...
... if it was portrayed in movies, in books, or in the lyrics of some useless song. With 6 billion people covering the globe at any given time, thousands and thousands of years of written literature, probability dictates almost any combination of words has occurred numerous times.
And yet, away you type.
Yet there is clear evidence there was no action, so those words, just like the people who spoke them, must have been just more fakes. I am forced to use this language (also created by the fakes) because there is no alternative, so everything I write here could be misunderstood to make me sound like one of them, but it will be the action that I take and the dedication that will separate me from them.
Dedication. Uh-huh. This from the kid who studied karate for six weeks. Staggering dedication you've got there, Bruce Lee. Don't you have a bong waiting for you, somewhere?
In my estimation the fakes that occupy this planet don't make up 99%, but more like 99.9999999% of the population.
That's a lot of nines you typed there, Ryan. That took ... oh, what's the word? Oh yeah. Dedication.
I know this because I ve searched, and in my search have so far only found one true ally (I have found him via the internet as well).
I think I saw that ad. "Wanted, Gullible Pinhead."
But even with those numbers we would not give up because there is no logic in giving up.
Do you have a dictionary handy? Because I'm not sure the word 'logic' means what you think it means.
The people on this planet are all fakes because the societies have made them this way. Ideas that populate people's minds have no logic or purpose. Concepts such as religion, god, morality, individualism, freedom, identity, happiness, love and billions of others are all just memes.
'Memes.' I see. Perhaps you're referring to the plural for 'mem,' which is the thirteenth letter in the Hebrew alphabet. Wait, that would probably be 'mems.'
Forgive me, my New Webster's Artless Humanity Dictionary is still in the mail.
Like parasites they infect the minds and spread from one person to the next. They have no point or purpose; they exist without any logical basis or foundation.
There's that word again. 'Logic.'
The fakes are completely controlled by them, and they will never see beyond them. To not be controlled by them one must do more then just realize that they exist. One must resist any ideas that have no point, endlessly question, and never accept imperfection or compromise in any answer.
'Cause, you know, we hate imperfection. It's just a ... a meme.
Hey, I'm trying, here.
We (myself and my ally) are different though. While we have had the limitation of existing only in these societies, something has made it possible for us to resist being indoctrinated into becoming one of those fakes. We have no arbitrary wants, needs, desires, or preferences.
But oh, do we love to type.
If this world continues to exist the way it is then nothing in it will ever have a point.
If this letter continues to read the way it has, the same holds true.
It will always be just a product of random evolution, one with no importance or relevance. The only logical goal is to dedicate our lives to increasing our numbers, those that aren't fakes, so that in thousands of years our numbers may be such that the fakes would no longer be a threat to progress.
Thousands of years? Isn't that sort of a long range goal for someone who couldn't stick with soccer nine days?
Those that join us must see every other person occupying this planet as the enemy, and us as their only allies. Like us they must have dedication only to taking the most logical action, and to nothing else.
Oh, and they have to be really gullible, and bring some good weed when you come.
To tell you more about us, we've posted some personal information about ourselves on a website. You'll also find past responses to us on that webpage.
And I'm sure it's all fascinating, fascinating stuff.
If you reply to us we're open to anything you say that makes logical sense.
You're a moron. By the conventional definition of 'logic,' it's extremely logical. Read your letter if you don't believe me.
However, we'll be judging you based on what indications you give that you have accepted and/or rejected society.
Hey--I'm clearly not society's biggest fan. But perhaps we would prefer to be 'judged' by someone who's at least had sex. I'm not saying you have to like it--just try it.
We will ask you some questions to test how resistant you are to thinking like everyone else.
And then the questions start, and we really don't have to go there again. I will, however, briefly mention how they signed it.
Ryan and Jacob
There's nothing inherently funny about the signature--it's just another one of those things you're supposed to store away for later. Trust me.
My intial response to Neil (the guy who wrote me about Ryan) was that I really didn't want to write another Truth about this little weasel and his little Fight Club. I'd slapped him around enough, I felt--and quite honestly I didn't think I could make the next one as funny as the first, as we're mostly just covering Old Territory.
That is, until I got this letter.
Dear Mr. Steele:
The neverending Ryan has returned, with new followers now. His webpage is long dead or has moved, but he is still out propagating his message, with his new _ally_, Jacob. By the fortune of god, those of us to recieve the new message, only recieve the short part about the questions.
What worries me now, is somehow he is coming by e-mails that are not listed anywhere, so I can only think that this insane bugger has gotten more followers than the laws of causality should allow.
And then, he attached a copy of the same email.
So, I'm thinking, 'Well, this is interesting, isn't it? Isn't it strange that two people who read my website--not just the website, but that specific Truth--would have had obscure addresses that receive no spam but that received this?
And, actually, isn't it a tiny bit strange that both of these people misspelled the word 'receive?' Especially when one of them claimed an academic address and spelled 'weird' correctly?
But, let's ignore that for the time being. We won't forget it--because despite habitual alcohol consumption, the task of forgetting is something I have a hard time with. But for the moment, we'll dismiss this as coincidence. I mean, some people have never heard of 'I before E except after C.'
You're not buying this, I can tell. So, we'll just pretend that we're dismissing that.
And while we're at it, let's pretend that we're ignoring the fact my readership isn't exactly that of, say, the New York Times. The neverdream.com website--as a whole--got nearly 142,000 hits in the month of May. And Holy Shit that sounds high, doesn't it? (Actually ... Holy Shit ... that does sound awful high.) But the Truth is that I received only 4000 'visits.'
I'll explain the difference between the two as best as I understand it (not that I understand it all that well). A 'visit' is generated when someone new comes to the page. A 'hit' is generated every time that person clicks on a new link within that page. So, if one guy clicks on ten archived Truths, that's ten hits. I might not have this right at all--and looking at the math, it seems really, really likely that there's something to this that I'm just not getting. But the point is--and I think we can all agree--that this page is not exactly a Commanding Force in American Media. We ain't 60 Minutes, here.
And the odds of this Ryan character reaching two of the same people that I'm reaching are--to use the parlance of the mathematicians--pretty fuckin' slim. And the further odds of those two people misspelling the word 'receive' ...
But we're pretending to ignore that, aren't we? Sorry, I forgot. Okay. I'm there. I'm, like, totally ignoring that. In fact, we're going to move on to a different Truth letter entirely.
Dear Mr. Steele
I just read the truth about the confederate flag and I gotta tell you... some people are fucking dumb. If someone wants to make a bunch of kids on a video proof of something it beter be good proof. The video showed a bunch of kids jumping up and down and cheering. The people with no power or electronic equipment to know that the planes hit us were cheering becuase the towers were destroyed. Amazing. Its simple fact that the media likes to make things bigger then they are and take parts of a film clip to give the wrong idea.(or the right idea for there ratings) Some kid might have found the equivilant of a quarter in pakistan and was happy. film that then say there cheering cuase americans died and BAM! the media has angered america. there ratings go up and we beat some inocent people.
To the guy who wrote that first message ... maybe you should go to hell. (not that i beleive in it, its just a phrase comonly used in the english language now)
Hmm. Interesting signature, huh? Especially when one compares it to the signature on the weirdo-letter.
Ryan and Jacob
My, that is strange, isn't it? Those crazy coincidences just keep piling and piling, don't they? And let's not forget that the above three emails all came to my mailbox within six days of each other.
Just for the record, I'll say this: in reference to the Taliban being innocent ... uh ... I don't think so. That was a group of people who were begging to be bitch-slapped back to the Stone Age. As far as the general populace of Pakistan being happy that the World Trade Center was destroyed--hell, those people can barely feed themselves, let alone read. Sure, there are smart Middle Eastern people. Some of them are brilliant. Know what you call a brilliant Middle Eastern person? An Arab American--because the smart ones get their asses on boats and come to a land where they can earn a decent living.
This is a Truth that has definitely Gone On Long Enough. So, to sum up:
Arab Americans: We love you. Thanks for coming. Maybe rethink air travel for a while, because you really make me nervous when I share a plane with you. But that doesn't mean we don't love you.
Middle Eastern People still in their homeland: It's not our fault that you're hungry and uneducated. It's really not. Instead of constantly warring against us and each other, how about you study real hard and get over here where you belong?
Ryan and Jacob: No, I'm not interested in joining your cult. However, you may join mine. Please prove yourselves worthy by selling all the worldly possessions your parents gave you and sending me a check--my grandson wants Star Wars Legos, and those things ain't cheap.
Neil and Joseph: Thanks for writing--and 'receive' is spelled R-E-C-E-I-V-E.
The generators of 142,000 hits for the month of May: Thanks for stopping by.
And Holy Shit, that still sounds like a really high number.
(Editor's Note: And, here's the sequel: The Truth about the New Humanity, III. sca)