The Truth about Blue 5/6/98

Mr. Steele

Having become the head of my office, I often get the proud responsibility to check out new products before we purchase. keeping this in mind, I recently received a "Sampler Pack" of safety goggles. Now, if that alone isn't frightening enough, there's a new shade of "safety goggle" Mr. Steele. That's right, gone are the days of "clear". even "shaded" and the ever popular 80's "mirrors" are gone. Now, you see, the newest thing in high tech eye protection is "Vermalian". what's vermalian? Surely someone that's as up on safety equipment as you are Mr. Steele doesn't need me to answer that one. Okay, I will anyhow. Vermalian as defined by the "1998 3000 page Grainger USA catelog) as: A shade of eyewear that eliminates the "blue" tones of the spectrum of vision. Now my first question is why in the name of all that is Holy would someone need to not see blue? My second question is if I buy a blue Isuzu and this is my eyewear of choice will I in effect have an invisible car?

your oddest friend

OGF Nyrve (Formerly Van Grymm)

First off, don't buy an Isuzu. The only real cars are made by Mazda.

I could definitely see a few advantages to not seeing blue. Agoraphobics should wear them all the time, so they don't have so much trouble with the vastness of the sky. Wear them on a cruise so the ocean doesn't make you sea-sick. And are those pesky 'Hospital' signs getting you down? Grainger's Vermillion Safety Wear can make your troubles gone, gone, gone.

Although, if I were going to wave bye-bye to a color forever, I think it would be the yellow-orange family. Yellow-orange is never a good color. Orange safety cones mean road contruction, orange life rafts mean you're stuck in the middle of the ocean, orange pee means you'd better get to a doctor, yellow 'Police Line Do Not Cross' tape means I'm going underground again . . . there are just no circumstances under which this is a happy color.

If Grainger sells a goggle that will rid me of yellow-orange forever, attach them to an e-mail and send them to me at Mr_Steele@neverdream.com. My life will be a happier place for it.