The Truth about Being a Superior Being  4/6/99

Dear Mr. Steele,

I recently got my tongue pierced, and before it was done, I thought it would be really awesome. After it was done, all I could think of was the pain, though I know in the end it'll be worth it.

Piercings, to me are sexy, and they're good for so many things. Ear piercings are mere decoration, been there done that, not impressed. Anyone can get their ears done. Even now, nose piercings are getting common place, but those are sweet looking, if it's tasteful. A gold (I prefer silver) hoop, or stud. No stone inlaid studs, those are tacky.

The more interesting ones, at least I find, are the bottom lip, the eyebrow, the tongue, the nipples and a few other unmentionable places. Piercing the bottom lip draws attention to the mouth. Like the nose though, it needs to be done tastefully, simple, not gaudy. And to be totally honest, the lips are one of the most attractive body parts if it's taken care of properly.

The eyebrow being pierced draws attention to the eyes, and the arch of the brow. Those are two of the most sensuous body parts out there, unless you're a womanizer, and as I'm a heterosexual female, I'm not. The eyebrow piercing can be a bit more ornate. A studded hoop, or a little jewel dangling from it. Not gaudy. Save that for your ears.

The nipples, well that's a pleasure center, for men and women, well most anyway. Though it hurts really bad, once the holes heal, the piercing can be used to stimulate and create pleasure. Or if you like it, pain. It's up to each person individually. A gold, silver or colored titanium hoop is best. I won't go into the techniques here.

As for the tongue, again, it draws attention to the mouth, and it has endless possibilities. Imagine talking to someone and seeing a flash of silver, or colored titanium inside their mouth. First it draws curiosity, then the possibilities are endless. It heightens the pleasure, especially if the mouth is hot, and there's an ice cube under the tongue, freezing the barbell, creating a new sensation when you're kissing, or even having oral sex.

Not to mention that all of the above, well, they just look so hot. Do you think that's freaky?


Gah! There's so much wrong here, I'm not even sure where to begin.

Perhaps I should begin by saying that my own ear is pierced. Don't ask me why I did it, because I really don't know. The best explanation for it is that I did it because I could. I reached an age where I was responsible for myself, and decided to do it. Plain and simple. Having a pierced ear in the 80s was rather passe. No big deal.

Somewhere between then and now, the piercing-thing just got out of hand. Maybe too many parents had pierced ears, and the Pinheaded Youth decided they had to take it a step further to piss off Mom & Dad. But for whatever reason, piercings all over the body began to fall into vogue. It's as inexplicable as the return of bell-bottoms.

I -- for one -- am glad this fad started. It enables me to differentiate the Pinheads from the Potentially Real People at a glance. Pierced eyebrow? Pinhead. Pierced nose? Pinhead, with a strange whistling sound as they sleep. Pierced lip? Pinhead without the ability to eat soup. Pierced tongue?

Oh ... but this is perhaps the most interesting of the lot. You see, this crowd thinks it enhances Oral Sex. Fantastic! Double-plus for me! Because if I spot a chick with a pierced tongue, I know they can't give good BJ. Any broad who thinks a sharp object Down Below might make Oral Sex better obviously doesn't have a clue. I wouldn't let one of these amatuers give me a hand-job, let alone Swallow my Salomi. I'd be afraid they'd whip out a Swiss-Army Knife, and say, "I know what feels really good."


So -- in short -- God Bless Body Piercing. God Bless bell-bottoms. God Bless anything that let's me spot a moron from thirty feet and dismiss them without having to go to all the trouble of having to get to know them, first.

Pierce away!