The Truth about Mad Max (Mad Max ... Mad Max ... Mad Max ...) 1/23/99

Dear yadda yadda

New bug for your ears only. The Mad Max films. I really need to point out some tiny plot holes that you must explain to me. I figure you're probably not associated with the film in any way shape or form but hey you invite my questions and when you ask questions like I do that's gotta count for something.

The Mad Max movies, for those of you who only watch quality films, is a post Nuclear Holocaust setting. now in this Post Nuclear setting a man (Max) runs around doing good deeds and being a virtual bad-ass. He's got a fully functioning brain and in my opinion is rather intelligent for a road thrashing barbarian. Now here's one of those plot holes. Why is it that Max knows and understands things like life in a pre-nuclear city or how to use a microwave but the neanderthals he does battle with (who by the way look every bit as old as Max) act like they were rejected from a sequel to Conan; the Barbarian? I mean Max isn't far removed from the intellectual food chain but these guys are just below granite.

Second question. Why is it that in every movie the leather clad gun totin' citizens feel compelled to repeat and then chant everything they hear? Examples? I'll give you examples all right!

Example One: Max Beyond Thunderdome.

The announcer finishes his Micheal Bufferesque crowd warming and says: "Two men enter one man leaves." Suddenly we're in a nuclear monestary. "two men enter one man leaves two men enter one man leaves".

Example Two: Same movie. (Okay so I saw this one recently. Crummy editing job but don't get me started on those crappy "alternate words" fitted over the real curse words. yeesh)

Auntie Jumps down out of the Thunderdome after Max announces that they had a deal and says "bust a deal and face the wheel." Chant time again. Okay flash forward Max spins the wheel and it hits "Gulag". This time nobody has to say a thing to get those fall out freaks started. Gulag Gulag Gulag Gulag. I'm thinking "What is Gulag and why must it be a mantra?"

Last Example: Same movie (Hey cut me some slack I don't watch much TV)

Max survives Gulag (gulag gulag gulag gulag) and winds up with all those little kids. They start the "'memberin" show out of one of those old Mickey Mouse Slide View thingies and they have the pics memorized!! The ugly little stick girl says "Member this?" and shoves a slide in the viewer and the whole lot of'em shout "CAPTAIN WALKER" in the thickest cockney I've heard since "My Fair Lady" and by gumbo it's him in the pic! Then we get "Member this?" "MIZZUZ WALKER!!" and damn that's just getting eerie.

Okay shed some light on this for me dude. I'm lost.

Signed

Van "Master-Blaster" (who run Bartertown?) Grymm

At this point, I feel compelled to defend Thunderdome, as it is the Pinnacle of Filmmaking in All Respects and is therefore without flaw. So, one-by-one, here goes:

(1) Why is it that Max knows and understands things like life in a pre-nuclear city or how to use a microwave but the neanderthals he does battle with (who by the way look every bit as old as Max) act like they were rejected from a sequel to Conan; the Barbarian?

Well this is an easy one. Raise your hand if you know that Thunderdome was actually the third movie in the series? Unless you had four movie channels back when movie channels were new, you probably couldn't know this. (My father worked in the cable industry in my formative years, so we always had every channel you could have -- which is why my head is so full of useless crap, no matter how much I try to drink it into oblivion.) I never actually sat through the entire film ... but I have vague memories that he was some sort of leather-wearing future-cop in a bad-ass car before the holocaust -- and that even then the bad-guys were Conan rejects who couldn't use a microwave.

Just as an aside -- I have no idea who'd bother throwing a few precious missiles Austrailia's way when the war came. I mean, no one on the planet really thinks that these shrimp-barbecueing kangaroo-riding alligator-wrestlers are a threat to their national security, do they? Who knows -- maybe Austriailia fancies itself a Player in the Big Game. I'm sure the political intricacies of it all were sufficiently explained in the first film -- after all, this trililogy is perfect.

(2) Second question. Why is it that in every movie the leather clad gun totin' citizens feel compelled to repeat and then chant everything they hear?

That's for the guys in back. You never know how a hundred people can really suck up a single voice until you're trying to lead an angry mob. If the guys in front just started clapping at 'gulag ' then the guys in back wouldn't never know what was going on. But if instead, you just start repeating the word that's making you happy, the guy behind you can repeat it and then the guy behind him and before long everyone knows what's going on and everyone's telling everyone else how happy they are about it without drowning out Tina Turner.

That is ... assuming you know what 'gulag' is. I thought they were sending Max to Siberia, which seemed like sort of a long involved punishment for Bustin' a Deal.

(3) The ugly little stick girl says "Member this?" and shoves a slide in the viewer and the whole lot of'em shout "CAPTAIN WALKER" in the thickest cockney I've heard since "My Fair Lady" and by gumbo it's him in the pic!

Um ... yeah ... I'm pretty sure this is in the first movie ... um ... Mad Max was a ... um ... a model for the ViewMaster people. Yeah. That's it. In fact, I'm pretty sure the entire plot revolved around ... um ... gangs of models who were ... uh ... fighting over this ... runway ... that was considered some sort of turf of the future.

Or, it was just some guy who looked like him. Either one of those works. I'll let you choose.

I can even tell you why the plane crashed. All those chanting kids on the plane drove the adults mad until the pilot just leaned forward on the stick, knowing that was the only sure way to cease the din of brats once and for all.

See? Just like I said, it's the Perfect Movie. Not a single hole in that plot that can't be plugged with a little creativity.

The Truth for the Day involves the redesign of this page and is as follows: The next time I decide doing this is a good idea, I hope someone sits me backwards on a horse with a big Marti Gras mask on my head and sends me off into the desert.